Let’s Talk About Sex(ting), Baby

Want to become a convicted felon, land yourself in jail, and earn yourself a spot the sex offender list? Hopefully your answer is no. But, I have a surefire strategy that will earn you all three: sexting. Consider this a public service announcement.

For all of you that don’t watch the news, read, have kids, or come out from under your rock, sexting is the act of sending sexually explicit/suggestive texts to another person – photographs and messages included. According to a Real Psychology study, 66% of people sext. And 65% of those people are teens, specifically between the age of 13 and 19.

Here’s the problem: as technology becomes more and more interwoven in our lives, our morals are not evolving seamlessly. Technology is changing so fast and culture can’t keep up. In the past, it was a wink or a bare shoulder that would signal the man of the woman’s interest.  Our culture has changed (and I can’t say it’s for the better) but sexting has become the new flirting – a signal in interest for greater intimacy. Problem #1: teens are waaaayyy too young to be signaling sexual interest (my opinion). Problem 2:  we have child pornography laws that severely punish people for doing this exact same thing (not my opinion).

How do I liken sexting to child pornography? It’s pretty easy, actually. If an 18-year-old boy receives a naked photo of his 17-year-old girlfriend, he is now liable for child pornography.  If he distributes it, it only gets worse.

In 2010, Whoopi Goldberg uncharacteristically got worked up on the set of talk show, The View. The topic? Sexting. In an interview with Katie Couric for her Glamour column, Whoopi addresses this controversy…

Whoopi Goldberg: We had a really interesting young man on who was going with a girl for a long time. They always thought they would be together. He turned 18, they had a fight, he sent her naked picture to everybody in her phonebook. He’s now a sexual offender. He cannot live with his father, because his father lives too close to a school. He can’t hold a job. He is forced to go to weekly meetings of, you know, Sex A. Which really is not where he should be. He should be in a place where other people who have done what he’s done can sit down and say, “Here’s why it was dumb. Here’s why we shouldn’t be doing this.” But not with sexual abusers and rapists, because that’s not what he is. He’s a dumb kid.

Katie Couric: On the other hand, do there have to be significant deterrents to keep kids from abusing the technology?

Whoopi Goldberg: If you want to keep it from happening, you need to educate kids. You can’t educate them by putting them—it’s like putting a 13-year-old into Riker’s Island. You don’t do it. We have to start making adjustments, we have to teach young women: You don’t send naked pictures of yourself … because you can never take it back. It’s out there forever.

I have to agree with Whoopi. In these types of situations, the guys aren’t perverted child pornographers. They are immature young men who didn’t understand the consequences of their actions. The consequences are more difficult to understand when loads of famous people are caught sexting pretty frequently.

Care for some examples?

Anthony Weiner

(PG-13 example.)

Rihanna

Miley Cyrus

Others include: Ashton Kutcher, Blake Lively, Evelyn Lozada, Tony Parker, Vanessa Hudgens, Jennifer Williams.

So my point is this: the majority of kids being reprimanded for sexting didn’t know the severity of their actions. They do know, however, that many public figures have done it, mostly without any repercussions. So, it’s important to have the conversation, no matter how awkward it might get.

Girl-on-Girl: Not the Sexy Kind

And evil takes a human form in Regina George. Don’t be fooled because she may seem like your typical selfish, backstabbing, slut-faced ho-bag, but in reality, she’s so much more than that. – Janis, “Mean Girls”

We can blame it on hip-hop music, beauty pageants, or the a- a- a- a- ah- alcohol but a major source of female degradation is other women. Yep.

In light of the new documentary “Bully,” the bullying epidemic has been thrust into the spotlight. But, when we think of bullying, it usually involves a large, freckle-faced, spiked-hair male predator and his scrawny prey, also male. Girl-on-girl bullying is much more discreet, but equally damaging. In its own way, girl bullying is more dangerous because its discreetness allows it to fly way below the adult radar.

Ashley can’t be a bully! She’s so quiet and popular amongst her friends. I mean, her favorite color is pink, for God’s sake!

Girls can be cruel. Instead of a couple of shoves into a locker, girls have a variety of pickings to make her victim’s life hell. About.com lists some as: anonymous prank phone calls and emails, jokes designed to humiliate, deliberate exclusion, name calling, rumor spreading, backstabbing, encouraging other kids to ignore her, and inciting others to act aggressively towards her.

The Girl Scout Research Institute’s study on girls and reality TV has concluded “regular reality TV viewers emphasize being mean and/or lying to get ahead.” A higher percentage of these girls as compared to their non-viewing counterparts claim that sometimes, “Being mean earns you more respect than being nice (37% vs. 25%).” Girl-on-girl bullying is a popular staple in the media. And according to this study, it’s making a great impact on young girls.

Some of the guilty shows and movies include:

Jersey Shore

What are these cast members not guilty of? The male cast members are highly degrading towards women when they prowl the clubs for someone DTF (Down to F…). But Snooki, J-Woww, Sammi, and Deena are just as guilty when they comment on the one-night visitors by calling them grenades (solitary ugly girls always found with a group of attractive ones), landmines (skinny, ugly girls), and butterfaces (girls who have an attractive figure but an ugly face). Let’s use butterface in a sentence: “Everything about her was hot, BUT HER FACE.” Clever…

The Bachelor

For nearly 10 years, 25-30 women have competed for the attention of a single, millionaire bachelor. Naturally, a little cattiness comes out to play. In the latest season of the Bachelor, even the eliminated girls gathered together to lash out on each other. One of the girls, Shawntel, opened up to say she felt bullied when the other girls called her ugly, amongst other harsh things.

The Bad Girls Club

It’s all in the name. What happens when you put a group of catty, aggressive females in one house? The Bad Girls Club. Never have I seen so many onscreen fistfights and bad language in a single episode of anything. There are more BLEEPS than actual words. Clearly these girls have rightfully earned their title.

Basketball Wives

Shaunie O’Neal, the executive producer and star of VH1’s “Basketball Wives,” wrote, “I’m not a big supporter of the bickering, drink throwing and fighting, but when you put a group of strong, independent and vocal women who are going through or just came out of a bad relationship together, there’s bound to be a little drama.” Little isn’t the word. Evelyn and Jennifer, two cast members of the show, are friends turned enemies. They celebrated the end of their decade-long friendship with some choice words and slap on the head with a clutch.

I Love You, Man

There are few romances that rival Romeo and Juliet’s. Well, besides Jersey Shore’s Vinny and Pauly D. Oh, and Superbad’s Seth and Evan. How about Kirk and Spock? Now there’s some serious intergalactic dude-love.

Modern media, besides its downfalls, has its redeeming qualities. It commemorates the type of relationship that only guys can understand – the BRO…wait for it…MANCE.  Bromance movies are a preferable example of male relationships in comparison to movies where buff men run around, killing each other after yelling THIS IS SPARTAAAAAAA.

Urban Dictionary (the reliable source it is) defines a bromance as when

“two guys have a very close bond, to the point where they act like a couple, except they are both straight. Signs of bromance include, but are not limited to: knowing what the other is thinking, hanging out 24/7, hugging, extensive high-fiving, and sharing clothes.” 

According to a new survey by social networking site, Badoo, 86% of guys in the US and UK are currently in or have had a ‘bromance’ in the past. Ladies, watch out! Even though Chandler and Joey’s relationship seems like rainbows and butterflies, it comes with its complications. 56% of men say their bromance causes problems with other people in their life. And 15% of people’s partners are jealous of their man’s bromance.

Now, here comes the chicken-and-egg debate. Has the presence of bromances in television and movies made it acceptable for men to express their non-sexual affections for their bestie? Or, is the cultural change in male interpersonal relationships simply being reflected in the media? I lean towards the side of the former. The media is a powerful force in changing the way we interact with each other. (I won’t get into it here but studies show that modern media created a ‘mean girl’ epidemic. That’s for a whole other post entirely.)

Men aren’t less susceptible to the influences of the media. Don’t let their macho, too-cool-for-school façade fool you. They get validation from the things they see on TV and the Silver Screen, just like women and adolescents. If Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson do it, then it’s a-okay!

And just for your viewing pleasure, here are some of the media’s most notable on-screen bromances.

 JD and Turk | Scrubs

PHOTO: SodaHead

John and Jeremy | Wedding Crashers

PHOTO: Guardian UK

Seth and Evan | Superbad

PHOTO: Gunaxin Media

Steve and Doug | A Night at the Roxbury

PHOTO: Full Downloads

Lamar and Rob | Khloe & Lamar

PHOTO: Kardashian Heart

The Latest Trend (and it’s Not One You Can Wear)

There are few body parts that young women haven’t made-up, lifted, reduced, Botoxed, sucked the fat out of, or injected silicone into. The vocal cords, for obvious reasons, were a body part untainted by the influences of the media. Until recently. Young women have found a way to manipulate the way they speak to sound cooler. (NOTE: Opinions on levels of “coolness” vary)

PHOTO: Edu In Review

Recently, scientists at Long Island University investigated the trend of young women speaking with vocal fry. According to Iona College Speech Communications professor, Jennifer Gerometta, vocal fry is  “produced when vocal cords are lax and vibrating very slowly, resulting in a ‘creaky’ sounding voice.” (Listen here). Many times, the creaking sound is most potent at the end of a sentence. The study found that two-thirds of the sample size used vocal fry in their speech. But the sample only included 34 college-aged women.  This raises a glaring red flag for anyone who has taken a high school stats class.

Regardless, Professor Gerometta doesn’t think the study should lose its trend-displaying status. “The sample size is typical for a study of this kind. Also, the researchers were able to reach statistical significance, so sample size should not be an issue,” she said. Statistical significance means the researchers are sure of its reliability, regardless of the sample size. Plus it doesn’t take much more than a walk through Forever 21 to see this way of talking is trending amongst young women.

Just like any other trend, we recognize and consciously adopt speech patterns. “The dialects we use are influenced by our social groups, or the groups with which we wish to align ourselves,” Gerometta said. Singers, actors, and reality stars play a major role in perpetuating this trend. Ke$ha and Britney Spears are two popular perpetrators (remember, oh baby, baby from Hit Me Baby One More Time? Yep, vocal fry). It only takes one viewing of the Kardashian reality show to notice the sisters’ irritating speech patterns. Along with the whiny intonations, the Kardashians use glottal fry (another term for vocal fry).

“I don’t keep up with the Kardashians (see what she did there?), but judging from the popularity of their shows, it is clear that they generate some interest to a certain population, primarily young women. Viewers may emulate this stylistic vocal production as a way to say, ‘one way in which I define my social self is as a member of this group.’” Professor Gerometta said. This doesn’t necessarily mean that viewers actually want to be a Kardashian. Instead they “recognize the value of their speech patterns, as much as they recognize the  value of other observable social and style choices they make on the show,” Gerometta said.

Check out the clip below from Kourtney & Kim Take New York. In her first sentence, you can hear strong remnants of glottal fry when Kourtney says hot-e-e-l and Rolls-Roy-y-c-e.

Even women immune to pop culture use vocal fry. Ikuko Patricia Yuasa at the University of Iowa told Time magazine that the “creaky voice may provide a growing number of American women with a way to project an image of accomplishment.” Because glottal fry is a lower vocal register, women who use it sound sterner.  That may be why the Kardashian entrepreneurs adopted this speech pattern in the first place, and why young women desire to emulate it.

You can argue that vocal fry makes women sound more accomplished, but they really just sound like doors in desperate need of WD-40. Let’s hope this trend will have the same lifespan as jeggings.

How to Quit Cigs, Caffeine, Temple Run Facebook

PHOTO: SickFacebook.com

According to Social Times, 350 million people suffer from FAD — Facebook Addiction Disorder. I’ve experienced the beginning signs personally. That little red notification blob has the hypnotic lure of a 76% off vacation package on GroupOn. Sorry to tell you, these addicts are not just preteens and teenagers. In fact, my NewsFeed is almost always cluttered by my older friends. So how credible are we, as adults, in warning tweens of social media dangers when we are addicted to it? That, my friends, is hypocrisy at its finest. Here’s some advice to help you get clean. After all, you can’t get on Myagi status without first being the grasshopper.

Admit You Have a Problem, and Don’t Post it as Your Status

Let’s start off with a classic — admitting you have a problem. This is a staple of the addiction world for a reason, right? Just say it, you get a rush from posting those I-drew-genitalia-on-my-friend’s-face-while-he-was-drunk pictures. Your heart pounds at every “Like” on your status update. That’s okay, so long as you admit that these are surefire signs of addiction. You’re not going to follow any other suggestions if you can’t first admit you have the problem.

This Isn’t an All-You-Can-Eat Deal

Limit yourself! You know you’re addicted when checking Facebook is the first thing you do when you wake up. Gear up your inner Stalin and enforce the limitations you put on yourself! If you don’t have that enforcer muscle flexed, have a friend hold you accountable. At most, you should sign in one time a day. ONE. There’s no need to sign in, sign out, and sign back in 30 minutes later. Having a Facebook app downloaded onto your phone is the number one enabler of this habit. I can attest. That little notification nags and nags until you check it. Now that you remind me, delete the Facebook app off your phone to make limiting yourself a less arduous feat.

Go Cold Turkey and Deactivate

It’s quite simple, actually. Go to your account settings, click on security, and look at the bottom of the page. No, lower. Inhale and click “Deactivate”. Now you can’t say you don’t know how to deactivate your Facebook account. This is probably the best way to quit that addiction. At the beginning of the detoxing stage, it will hurt. You’ll feel isolated, bored. You may even shed a couple of tears. But trust me when I say — you will feel liberated from the chains of an ever-demanding social network.

Get a Hobby

Humans worldwide spend over 700 billion minutes a month on Facebook, according to Jeff Bullas. Do you have any idea what could be accomplished by putting those wasted minutes to work? We could have found the cure to cancer, built a teleportation device, threw a couple of pyramids together, and still have time for cappuccino. Lesson of the day: Get off my blog and get a hobby. It’s not your lack of talent or your two left hands that stop you from becoming the next Beethoven. It’s Facebook.

Keep Your Profile, but Delete Everything on It (including Friends)

Don’t worry, they’ll still be your friends in real life. Actually, they’re probably not real-life friends at all. Anyway, this technique is for those who are drop dead serious about cutting their Facebook umbilical cord. Spend a Saturday morning, coffee in hand, deleting all pictures and friends off your profile. This is hard to undo. It only takes five seconds to reactivate your account. Undoing this, however, can take months. If you can never muster up the courage to do this, it’s probably time to get professional help.

And, if your ever feeling like the only person suffering from social media addiction, check out this video. It’ll reassure you; you are not alone. And it’s hilarious.

Five Things to Teach Your Kids About TV

According to a University of California at Northridge study, the average child spends 1,680 minutes watching television per week. How long do parents spend having meaningful conversations with these children? 3.5 minutes (yes, a week). Television exposes kids to human vices – excessive drinking, petty drama, and tons of violence. So, while sharing the “small screen” with your child, take the opportunity to teach them the truths of television. And maybe have a meaningful conversation that lasts longer than three-and-a-half minutes.

1. Not Even the Reality Shows are Real

Reality television isn’t exactly as unscripted and unplanned as it promises. Surprising, right? Cast members of reality shows have often hinted that episodes are heavily edited to highlight whatever has the highest entertainment value. Last year, a reality television fan named Sean Klitzner, found proof that producers staged a Jersey Shore bar fight (Check the clip out below; starts at 0:30).  So, make the point to your children that people don’t really act like that (Thank God!)

2. Someone is Always Trying to Sell Something

Nothing is more persuasive than the persistent nagging of a child. If whining wasn’t so unprofessional, kids would probably make for some seriously successful advertising execs. That’s exactly why television ads target children – they do the legwork. Kids have the direct power to make their parents dig deep within the confines of their pockets. Parents, teach your kids to look at advertisements with skepticism. Even if it’s not necessarily through a commercial, television always wants to sell you something.

3. Conflict is Necessary in a Good Story…but Not in Life

According to the Senate Committee of the Judiciary, an average American child will see 200,000 violent acts and 16,000 murders on TV by age 18. No, I didn’t add any extra zeros to the figures. Even classic literature acknowledges that there isn’t a good story without conflict. Have the conversation with your children explaining that stories, televised or written, aren’t a direct representation of life. Better yet, set the parental controls to block the more violent television plots.

4. It Influences Children’s Attitudes About Others

Despite how avant-garde we believe it to be, television plays into age-old stereotypes. More often than not, black men in television are the aggressors.  Skinny girls are popular and unrelenting to their less attractive following. Children learn to accept the stereotypes represented on television. Teach your kids that the stereotypes represented on TV are as useless as a concrete parachute.

5. TV Normalizes What Isn’t Exactly Normal

No, real housewives don’t plan Tahitian vacations on a whim. Nope, New Jersey hairstylists don’t usually break out in fistfights while at work. Television brings abnormal scenarios into the comforts of the home. Kids don’t have the worldliness to know that these scenarios aren’t exactly ordinary. Parents, please remind your children that being 16 and pregnant isn’t as common as television makes it seem.

Abercrombie’s Ideal: Look Like a Privileged Prep

PHOTO: Abercrombie.com

Abercrombie has this infamous reputation for the negative influence it has on tweens. First, they run ads of half-naked, adolescent models in “mature” poses. Then, they market padded bikini tops for girls aged 7-14. Although a bit more subtle, Abercrombie recently came out with a line they named, “A&F Privileged Prep: From the Elements of Ivy Collection”. Sure, it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but at its core, it idealizes materialism.

Themed collections are a staple of the fashion industry. The “boho” look, for example, is made of lightweight fabric and floral patterns. “Hipster” styles have elements of retro fashion. Pop your collar and wear pastels to pass as “prep”. Fashion has always been inspired by large subcultures. It’s rare that a themed collection gets specific enough to target a single population. In Abercrombie’s case, it highlights the relatively small populace of “privileged Ivy Leaguers”.

That’s what I have a problem with – the name. This Abercrombie collection isn’t offering anything outside the scope of the already established “prep” look.  The collection is comprised Letterman-inspired cardigans, embroidered blazers, and cable-knit sweaters. So why name it “Privileged Prep” – as if to purposefully strike out those without enough money to attend an Ivy League?

Preteens are going through the most susceptible stage in their life. Advertisers, clothing companies, and television shows have more influence on them than their parents. When a whole collection is dedicated, not to the prep look, but to the look of the “privileged Ivy Leaguer”, it indicates that looking rich should be a priority. Style and uniqueness take a back seat to the illusion of looking wealthy.

The naming of Abercrombie’s newest collection inspires tweens to adopt a materialist attitude. Abercrombie has already caught a lot of heat by starting trends that are age inappropriate. They are one of the few companies that regularly design mini-skirts for young girls. And just when all that heat begins to die out, they pull another stunt to thrust them back into the spotlight of controversy.

Finally, a Positive Spin-Off

PHOTO: GirlScouts.com

 Girl Scout Institute recently released a study – Real to Me – that explores the effects of media consumption on girls. And, thank-all-heavens the results aren’t all bad! That’s comforting to know since media has become a huge (and probably lasting) part of our lives. Can I say that the good outweighs the bad? Not quite. But according to research results, media consumption has some very redeeming effects for young girls. Here are the positive findings:

• 75% of girls say that reality shows have inspired conversation with their parents and/or friends.

  Common knowledge has steered us to believe that television consumption causes kids to be isolated and therefore anti-social, so I’m surprised  to see this stat. I guess it makes sense. Naturally young girls are going to be curious about things they see on TV, and go to their parents for explanation. This is a great opportunity for parents to teach girls the distinction between television and real life. It also opens the door to having conversations about regularly televised subjects, like relationships and sex.

• 75% of girls say that reality TV depicts people with different backgrounds and beliefs.

  When I see this, I automatically think of MTV’s “True Life”. It’s a show that documents people going through difficult or different circumstances. Episode themes include, ‘I’m Relocating for Love’, ‘I Have Diabetes’, and ‘I Have a Parent in Prison’. The show documents these issues through the lives of the young adults that are experiencing them. The content can sometimes be mature, but “True Life” is a fascinating example of cultural anthropology. Young girls that watch these shows broaden their view of the experiences, beliefs, and backgrounds of adults throughout America. And, shows like these introduce new ideas and perspectives to 65% of the girls sampled.

• 62% of girls say that shows have raised their awareness of social issues and causes.

  With exposure come awareness. Some shows, like the above mentioned “True Life” gets girls to think about greater social issues. But, it’s important to note that not all reality TV does this. There is no underlying social awareness waiting to be discovered in an episode of “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills”. Sorry!

• 59% of girls say they’ve been taught new things they wouldn’t have learned otherwise.

  No sex-ed class or “birds-and-the-bees” talk will ever portray the difficulties of teenaged motherhood as potently  MTV’s “16 and Pregnant”. Showing is almost always more powerful than telling. Even if the lesson isn’t particularly new, television has a way of shedding a different light on it. Actually SEEING these girls balance school, motherhood, broken relationships, and dysfunctional families makes the struggle all the more real.

Anything for a Compliment

Tweens Using Social Media for Acceptance

I downloaded an app called iFunny. It’s a compilation of humorous pictures submitted by users. Photo bloopers, goofy comics, nonsensical street signs – you name it, iFunny features it. Once in a while I scroll through the posts and come across self-portraits – the type where the subject poses in front of a mirror and takes a picture of their reflection. Almost always, the person who posts it is between 10 and 14 years old. They tag it with a caption like “Hot or Not?” or “Rate Me, 1-10”. Although this is disturbing in itself, I recently came across one that was especially troubling.

I won’t post her picture because something in my moral makeup tells me that would be wrong. But, in her post she is smiling sweetly at the camera, exposing a mouthful of braces. She’s a very cute girl going through some of the all-too-common awkwardness of tweenhood. In her caption she writes, “Ugly?? Guys always call me that. Is it true?” I thought that was heartbreaking enough, but the responses made made me cringe.

PHOTO: iFunny

PHOTO: iFunny

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Four out of the six comments on the post were mean. Some users even dug the knife a little deeper with extra commentary like, “Yes. Unless the guy is blind, But he still would say your ugly” (bad joke!). And just to top it off, all four of the negative comments were posted by guys. Unfortunately, this girl’s yearn for a compliment was met with piles of criticism.

We can all pretty much agree that social media sites harbor narcissism. Yes, I’m talking about the women with 100+ profile pictures and the men who post a 2:1 ratio of topless photos. But, a lot of the time tweens, who have yet to develop any real self-confidence,  use social media in hopes of some sort of self-validation.

In her post, this tween using iFunny in hopes that “online guys” will be less harsh than the ones at school. It’s clear her self-esteem is nowhere to be found. According to communication specialist, Carsten Rossi of  Kuhn, Kammann & Kuhn, “If your online reputation is your main benchmark for self-esteem, you will have a tendency to reveal more about yourself than you normally would or is good for you.”

Now, we all have our insecurities. But with age comes the “know-how” to keep them off the internet! Tweens who haven’t yet learned that lesson sometimes flaunt their vulnerabilities and therefore invite more criticism. As if being a tween isn’t hard enough!

Good Ol’ Days

Remember when Beverly Hills 90210 was the most risque show on cable television? Clearly, a lot has changed from the 90’s until now. Shows like Mob Wives and Pretty Little Liars make Beverly Hills sound like a Sunday sermon. And these changes are making way into the lives of our modern day tweens.

Let’s take a look at how media and  trends have changed  from those Golden 90’s.

PHOTO: Clutch.MTV.com

As televisions make way, not only into the home, but into every single room of the house, tweens are becoming more inclined to impersonate TV personalities in their Halloween attire. In the above picture, these young’ins are dressing up as the binge-drinking, hard-partying, sexually-open cast of the “Jersey Shore”. Bad joke on the part of their parents? Given their astonishingly accurate poses, I’d say no.

——————–

PHOTO: iFunny App, Country_Boy5050

Kelly Bundy of “Married with Children” (top photo) was probably the most scandalously dressed  public character since Marilyn Monroe. The producers of “Married with Children” used Kelly’s clothing as a non-verbal portrayal of her sexual, ditzy character. The screenshot of the 2010 Nickelodeon show “Victorious” (lower photo), however, shows the high school-aged characters in much skimpier outfits. And, these girls are playing respectable, aspiring performing artists!

______________

PHOTO: JeansCollectibles.com

PHOTO: Amazon.com

In the 50 years Barbie has been around, Bratz has been the only line of dolls that has given her a run for her money, according to Margaret Talbot. Notice the exposed midriff, miniskirt, and heavy dose of makeup on the Bratz holiday doll. Barbie remains true to her more classic, refined look.

____________

PHOTO: CAguilera.com (1999)

PHOTO: Society.EzineMark.com (2009)

Hannah Montana, is that you? Granted, Christina Aguilera’s performance at the Teen Choice Awards included some minor hip thrusting, but it had nothing on Miley’s provocative 2009 performance. A stripper pole at the Teen Choice Awards? Really?